Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
