have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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