Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
