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• (407): View more from Florida

  you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.

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• (323): View more from California

  There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay

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• (631): View more from New York

  I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!

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