ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
