I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize