Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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