i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
