we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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