one two three fourrrrnication!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize