Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
