I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
