i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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