Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
