therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
