i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
