Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
