I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize