Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I cockslap morals
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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