well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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