I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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