he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
bring money and cleavage
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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