I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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