I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize