If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
