The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
