Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
