At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will pee on everything he values.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
