omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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