we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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