cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
