If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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