So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
