when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
