I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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