So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
