if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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