I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
