I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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