Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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