well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
