I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
