ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
