How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
