careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
