I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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