bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
