Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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