nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
