sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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