There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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