I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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