HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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