A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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