dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
