Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
