MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
