They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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