Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
