He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
