ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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