I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
