It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
