she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
