??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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