walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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