omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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