I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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