Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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